happiness

Things have been going really well, and I'm finally starting to become happy again. I realize that even though Joel and I can't see eachother, that he still cares for me so much. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and I truely hope we can make it through this to a happy beginning to a beautiful relationship, I'm going to really start trying. This summer will be tough when he goes away for a month, but I'll be working a lot and hopefully going to the beach. Lots of things to keep my mind off of even going to the negative side of things. I had so much fun last night with Nicole and Arie, they really are true friends of mine. Next year I'm living with Colleen and Erin and I don't know how I feel about that yet. I'll love the fact that I can have my own room and bathroom but will I really have as much fun? I'll be over Nicole and Arie's enough so it will balance out. This summer I'm hoping to take a baking class somewhere near by and a few entrepreneurship classes to complete a minor. Ahh so much to do such little time!

xoxo

venting

I havn't talked to him all day and when he does text me, it's for about 30 mins before he goes off to dinner. Yes, he cannot talk to me while he's at dinner. I guess he'd rather talk to his track friends that he see for 8 months out of the year over me, who he only sees for 4. It's now been like two hours since we've talked because he just hasn't answered me. I would do anything for a good morning text, calling me beautiful, answering back within a responable response time, or just putting me as a priority. I'm definitely just not very high on his list anymore and it's pushing me away. Another part of me just wants to be strong and let all of this go because he did give me another chance and that says a lot. What do i do!? maybe if this blog wasnt private than I could get some words on advice, but I've already said some things that I don't really want others to read so...To sum up, how are we supposed to make this relationship work in college if he cant put forth an effort to include me in his life and make me feel special. We had the most amazing weekend last weekend and now we just do small talk everyday. It hurts, plain and simple.

i love sundays

Today has been nice, I've relaxed, cleaned, watched movies, tried to go workout but i'll work on that later. (the pool was closed) Last night I was hoping I could talk to Joel about "us" but he said goodnight to me fairly early. Then I notice this morning that he was on facebook when he said he was going to be in bed. Why can't he just show me some interest sometimes? :/ oh well I don't want to start a fight so I'm going to let it go, but we have to get this settled right? Or is it better if we just leave it alone for a little while. Take things the way they fall.

I just had a turn around. I need to get back to track, I'm sitting here reading the results on Direct Athletics for PSAC qualifications and seedings. I miss it and what I really want to do is just concentrate on jumping because that's where i'll score the most points. Right now I'm doing abs, push-ups and sit-ups. Tonight i'm going to swim a 500 and tomorrow I'll do a light jog outside for 20 mins. Please God heal my knee and allow me to come back. I feel naked without track. I NEED to compete.

saturdii

I have insecurities blocking me, some doubts and things that scare me in the way. I know how I feel about Joel, but I need to grow up. I should respect that he is even giving me another chance, I'm so lucky. That shows how much he truely does care about me. How should I feel about him not talking to me much because of what his friends think? It hurts because I can't see him for quite some time and it's very tough. I see all these other couples that have things so easily. I think i'll regret it in the end if I let him go but right now we shouldn't be rushing into things.

it's been awhile

It's been awhile, I've missed you blogger :/
Many things have changed since we last talked, well more like me just venting. For the past four months, I've waited and cried, worried and dwelled. My heart was completely broken by someone extremely amazing. He wants to try and work on things now and get back into a relationship eventually. I can't help but worry still, can you blame me? I wonder how things could go from being so bad to him missing me and us starting over. I guess I still hold a grudge and that takes time to heal and a lot of convincing on his part. 1. I wanted to know what changed his mind all of a sudden. 2. What does he miss about me and our relationship. 3. Who did he kiss when we weren't together (or maybe me not knowing is for the best)