so long

I feel like back to where I've been before. Waking up every three hours and crying my eyes out. Joel never said Merry Christmas to me and it broke my heart. Alli told me tonight that she doesnt think he is coming back to me and he probably isn't. I need to move on now...

This situation is so weirdly like Tara's my cousin. Maybe You wanted things to be like that for a reason. Help me move on God, please.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year :-)

winter bee

Familiar with the saying "time heals all wounds"? what does this even mean? It could mean so many different things. If you aren't one to hold grudges, yes time can heal or else we are looking at waiting around for a whole decade for you. Time can heal a realtionship by helping you get over someone and move on or it can make two people realize how much they mean to the other person. Many people make mistakes it's a part of living your life. Very cliche, but you really don't learn unless you make mistakes. I'm deffinitely one who practices this. This past year, I made some rather large mistakes. I'm only human, or more so I'm only being a normal teenager.

There are a few things I wish I could change about myself in a matter of a few days. 1) I wish I could think before I speak and not blow up at my parents the way I do when we disagree or they jump to conclusions. Exhibit A: this morning my mom was in the attic and she found a box of boots she had purchased for me a few weeks ago. When I picked out these boots I thought they were a Christmas present and she was going to give them to me Christmas morning. I was sadly mistaken? She called me unappreciative and a very angry person. I admit lately I have been a rather angry person. My boyfriend broke up with me Octover 6th, 2010. And well I ahvm't really been the same since. It's hard loosing a best friend like that, especially when you don't talk hardly at all. I'm giving him his space though, I'm "letting him go" and if he does come back, then it was meant to be. Wow my apologies for that side rant I just had. 2) I wish I could change my eating disorder and fill that void with someone else very productive. I'm working on it and God is here to help me through this.

On a happier note, Christmas is TOMORROW! This year is flying, and soon enough it will be spring and then I can kiss my sophmore year goodbye. But goodbye for now, I'll probably blog later on tonight after church at midnight. Love you all

manic Friday?

I'm really in my element today...lately I've been trying to find what makes me feel like me or in other words "i'm doing me". I'm sipping on my soy chai tea with my notebook out jotting down my fourth list for the day? I honestly don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my handy dandy notebook. Anywhere I go, anytime of day, I can whip it out and vent. It's filled with lists upon lists, random bands I don't want to forget, my thoughts and feelings. Kind of corny, I don't blame you for thinking that! Clearly though I keep rambling and what I really need is a nap right now. I'll write more tonight

relaxation

I desperately wish I could change the fact that I'm so sensitive about everything. For example...I hurt my knee at our last track meet and ever since then, it's been hard for me to even jog around. Tonight at lunch I was sitting with my legs tucked under and someone made a comment "wouldn't that hurt your knee or whatever?" me taking everything to heart, responded with "yeah i'm actually faking it" sarcasm of course. Following that was a comment "you shouldn't take everything to heart so much slack, I learned about that and that means you're really insecure. Maybe I am...how do I change that? I need to lighten up, big time. Ugh

Mom Note

Dear Kristen,

 

I have something to share.  Please save this e-mail to re-read as many times as you have to.

 

I prayed and asked God to give me wisdom to know how I should encourage, support, and direct you.  He absolutely led me to an article that discussed obsticles.

 

Charles Stanley's article which I paraphrased:

Just like Joshua in the Bible He wants you to be strong...to show courage, because He is going to help you during this insurmountable obstacle.  He does not want you to wallow in hopelessness and give up in defeat. You have to trust Him to remove each hurdle.  To every obstacle that stands between us and God's purpose is subject to His supernatural power (supernatural is the best way to describe it....some people think these occurrences are coincidences etc...).  Fear and worry reveals our doubts and focusing on the problem will allow the problem to grow, which blocks our view of God. Kristen, this is very, very important to understand. God has a purpose for you and it is His responsibility to remove every hindrance that stands in the way.  Right now He wants to help you to heal.  Heal your heart is what He is talking about. Remember obstacles are one way that  God strengthens our faith.  When you are confused and wonder how is He going to work out your bad situation...do not walk away (e.g. quit college) in defeat and miss His blessing.  He has blessed you and He will help you if you learn to submit and obey.  He wants to teach you to obedience (follow His lead), trust,  and courage.  

 

Just so I did not misunderstand, I wanted to make certain that I really did hear God's message.  I prayed again on the way to work and asked him to reassure me that it wasn't me reading into something.  Just like a computer's Instant Message...He said in my brain..."I want Kristen to stop depending on Joel and I want her to depend on Me."  In other words, He promises to show you the way in life and give you happiness. 

 

Kristen this is ALL authentic!!

 

I called Sandi and left a message to request starting sessions with you.

 

Please pray and asked God to lift your spirits when you know you can't do it yourself.  He will do this for you and then you will have a better day.

 

Love you,

 

Mom